I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
