I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
