i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
