Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
