My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
