there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize