bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
