I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
please don't ironically join a cult
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