Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
