Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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