New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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