I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
