Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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