remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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