grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
