so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
