The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
