can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
pray to the hookup gods
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
