Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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