Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
