her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
