I want you more than these girls want KFC
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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