Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
