she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
my being single is dangerous.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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