thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
