I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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