It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
