I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize