the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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