I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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