I'm really into asian looking animals
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
