it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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