I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
