I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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