i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Randomize
