Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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