she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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