omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
