you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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