I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so explain again why im purple
no
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
