Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
