walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
