Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
