Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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