woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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