had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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