We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Randomize
