I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize