I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
