I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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