hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
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