flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
