Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
