I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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