Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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