I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize