it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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