he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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