i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So much rum. So many feels.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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