Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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