I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
