I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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