Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize