On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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