New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
