The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
