Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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