Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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