sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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