The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Duck Duck Cougar?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
