the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Your penis caused this!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize