how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
