Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
