I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
