my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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