just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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