I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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