Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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