I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
