i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I didn't notice because vodka
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
