wanna go halves on a baby?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
