someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
