who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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