There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
