the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
