Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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