Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
