i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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