"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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