Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
