This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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