she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
