I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize