she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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