since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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