i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I need moral support for this bender
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
