Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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