We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
