Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
