; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
