Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
