I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm at about main and main street
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
