JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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