and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
