it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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