Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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