When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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