Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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