It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
