the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
In America we eat man semen.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
