I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize